


A Starlight in the Gloom

by sarahnotduck (singforabsolution)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Dehumanization, Dissociation, Hairbrushing, M/M, Pre-Slash, Present Tense, Rumlow isn't Hydra, The Asset - Freeform, good guy Rumlow, rumbuck, winterbones - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 05:46:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7922857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singforabsolution/pseuds/sarahnotduck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rumlow shows The Asset a little kindness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TyJaxReaper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TyJaxReaper/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAYREAPER!!

It's barely eight degrees outside but it is warm inside the safehouse. A small electronic device in the corner emits a constant blast of hot air into the main living area. The Asset likes the warmth but it is best enjoyed from a distance because it burns if you get too close. The Asset does not remember how it knows that.

The weapons and supplies have long since been stowed according to Commander Rumlow's specifications and the other men are sleeping ready for the 0400 hour start the next morning. The commander has concluded The Asset's briefing but he lingers, stating the need for grooming and so it remains still in its seat. Commander Rumlow tangles his fingers in The Asset's matted hair but it doesn't resist despite the unpleasant yet vague associations the action invokes. Resisting would most likely result in physical punishment and is almost always the unwise course of action (even though this handler is not unnecessarily cruel like the others) but The Asset thinks that even if it had the choice, it would not resist.

The handler gently scratches its scalp and all tension drains from The Asset's body. "Good boy," he tells it in a low voice. The voice isn't threatening, it is pleased, amused even. Good things happen when the commander is pleased and the Asset emits a sound mid- way between pleasure and pain, startling itself in the process. The tension is back with full force. The Asset is malfunctioning and the mission is therefore compromised but the handler only laughs quietly and says, "Easy soldier." The Asset does not understand.

"The fuck are you doing?" Agent Rollins asks the commander as he stalks through the living area and into the kitchenette.

The handler exhales in annoyance and his voice hardens. "What does it look like I'm doing, Jack? I'm brushing the soldier's goddam hair. Why don't you mind your own fuckin' business?"

There is no verbal response from Agent Rollins but he raises his eyebrows as he fills a glass full of water and the commander says, "You think his hair just untangles itself? If you want to try then be my guest."

Panic claws it's way up from The Asset's stomach into its chest. No. Even though the commanders fingers have stilled, The Asset can still feel the ghost of the gentle caress and it wants to hold onto it. It will treasure the memory until it is taken from it. Agent Rollins gives a disinterested grunt and downs the water before he returns to the sleeping quarters.

Commander Rumlow mutters, "Jackass," under his breath as he picks up the brush that was resting next to him on the couch and tentatively begins brushing The Asset's hair. The strokes are measured and careful. "Let me know if it pulls, alright?" he says, his voice gentle once again.

The soldier does not reply. The order is outside of the usual parameters and it does not understand. The Asset's pain is inconsequential. Perhaps this is a test? The grooming makes The Asset drowsy but it manages to fight the bone- deep weariness that threatens to drag it into unconsciousness by recalling the colors of the candy pieces Commander Rumlow consumed during the journey in chronological order and just as The Asset's vision dims, it's pulled back from the brink of sleep. "One day me and my people are gonna bust you outta here," the commander tells it in a whisper. "Get you back to your buddy, Steve. I promise."

Rumlow's breath is warm against the Asset's neck and it gives a little shudder of pleasure. It does not wish to be returned to this 'Steve,' it wants to remain here with the commander forever. The treacherous intent should be reported to a superior officer immediately but The Asset will never give up that information- it will protect the commander no matter what.


	2. ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On bad days The Asset seeks out the commander.

The Asset shares a body with a dead man. It seems to please Captain Rogers that The Asset pretend to be him and so it plays the role with varying degrees of success. On a good day, it can make the captain smile by parroting back stories it has been told about "the old days" but it is not James Buchanan Barnes. On bad days it wants to scream and bite and claw the flesh from its bones because it can feel the dead man's memories bubbling under the surface, memories of another life that leave The Asset afraid that the dead man wants the body back. Logically, it knows that the body belongs to James Barnes and not the empty husk of a thing it has become, but Barnes was brave and stupid and it makes The Asset nauseous to think what punishments the sergeant would incur. It was programmed to be good, it wants to be good, and so on these days it seeks out its old handler because it seems to please the commander (even on bad days) and good things happen when the commander is pleased. 

Commander Rumlow keeps to a set schedule which means The Asset knows exactly where in the tower he can be found at all times (the only exception being when he is on missions with the other Avengers). The time is precisely 0600 hours and so the commander will be in the gymnasium performing warm-up exercises. The new handler does not approve of The Asset's attachment to the commander, but he will not return from his run for approximately forty seven minutes and so The Asset makes its way to the gymnasium. Not even the fear of punishment outweighs the desire to see Rumlow but it still, The Asset is not stupid, it will not draw attention to its misdeed. 

The commander is performing lunges while watching the news on the enormous flat screen television on the gymnasium wall, and despite The Asset's almost silent footfall, it knows the commander will be aware of its presence. It finds a suitable hiding spot between a heavy piece of gym apparatus and a water cooler and watches. The commander's body is a thing of beauty and despite the smattering of scars that mar the tan skin, his body is whole unlike The Asset's. Its fingers twitch and it realizes that it has been a long time since anyone has made physical contact with it. The new handler says that The Asset's body belongs to it and that nobody should touch it without its permission, just as it should not touch others without theirs, but The Asset thinks it would like to press its palm against the commander's chest and feel his heart beating. It does not possess the words to ask though and so it makes do with observing the rise and fall from a respectful distance. 

Fourteen minutes into the Asset's vigil, Commander Rumlow addresses it directly, "You eaten yet?" he asks, eyes still fixed on the television screen as he stretches. 

Something lurches in its chest and it freezes. The Asset is on a strict meal plan and yet it has neglected to follow it this morning. It has been bad and will be punished. It hangs its head and remains still, unsure whether it hopes the commander will punish it now or the new handler later. 

The commander finishes the set and then turns and looks over at The Asset's hiding place. "Winter, you alright?" His voice is sharper this time, more urgent. 

The Asset raises from its crouched position to its full height and steps out from behind the water cooler. It hangs its head in shame once more and realizes that it doesn't just not possess the words to ask to touch the commander, it doesn't possess any words at all today. 

Rumlow crosses the room slowly, palms in the air to purposefully make himself look as non-threatening as possible. The commander is kind and doesn’t dole out punishment unnecessarily but The Asset has been bad and requires correction. He is almost within striking distance now and The Asset's knees buckle from under it. Its knees hit the floor hard and it drops to all fours with a whimper. Unacceptable. It has not been punished for some time and it is getting soft. 

"Bad day, huh." It's not a question. The Asset finches as a hand reaches down and gently rakes through its hair a few times, it feels soothing and oddly familiar. It relaxes minutely when it becomes apparent the intention isn't to cause pain but continues to stare at the floor. "Rogers still feedin' you crap that makes you sick?" 

Solid food does not agree with The Asset's stomach and it forces down the urge to gag at the mere mention of it. This is something else that the old handler and the new handler do not agree on. The commander gives The Asset plant based meal replacement shakes which are easy on its stomach but the captain says that it is necessary The Asset is weaned onto 'real food.' 

"Hey, Winter, look at me." 

It looks up at the old handler but doesn't make eye contact, as procedure dictates. 

"You need a little help today?" 

The Asset can barely remember how to breathe never mind speak but it wants the commander's help very much. It takes a moment to gather enough awareness to realize that it's allowed to want now and manages a jerky nod. The captain will be displeased when he returns and finds The Asset with its old handler. 

"Alright, c'mon. Let's get you a shake and we'll watch some TV." Rumlow holds out his hand and The Asset takes it automatically. It doesn't think it ever wants to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea if there will be more parts to this. Maybe I will add more if I feel inspired. Thank you for reading :)


End file.
